The Army Recruiter’s Wife’s Weblog

There was a period in my dad’s career that was known then and now as the “Dark Ages” and the commander was known as “The Dark One” (his soul was about as black as the tar on the bottom of the devil’s feet). It was a dark time in my father’s career – and it was a dark time for all of us – he wasn’t happy and fulfilled and was stressed to his limits at times, and at times it spilled over into our home. But, despite that – there were also times full of light when we learned to appreciate our time together as a family – both our little 4-person family and our military family – and where we used the tough times to become closer.

I say this to lead into a discussion on the events that have taken place within the Houston Battalion and are currently taking place. I just want you to know that this is in no way meant to be unfavorable towards the Army, USAREC, the Houston Battalion or those involved, it is my hope that by reading through this article that you will begin a dialogue with your recruiter about this topic to stave off any negative effects recruiting duty may of on the recruiters and the loved ones that support them, after all we’ve all heard the horror stories. If you haven’t read the articles or seen the news reports, here’s a link to the Houston Chronicle: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/side2/6023927.html   You can also google it and there will be plenty of articles and videos to view. According to the various news articles out there, there have been 5 suicides within the Houston Battalion since 2001, of which two have taken place since August 2008. Currently, there is an investigation into the events, which was spurred by a letter written by Senator John Cornyn of Texas. If you want to know more you can read the in depth details of the events in the Houston Chronicle.

Why does a spouse of a recruiter need to be aware of the events taking place in Houston? and How will it affect me and my household? Because, sooner or later, if it hasn’t already happened, your recruiter will be briefed on suicide prevention. Your recruiter may or may not talk to you about it – face it – it’s a tough job and a morbid subject - and soldiers will be soldiers and they will try to “tough out” any issues they have and in the course of toughing it out they may shut you out. Not to mention, some of the issues they may face are things like questioning their service and dedication, being put into positions they don’t want to be put in, etc. So, begin the education process. Learn about the signs of depression and suicide indicators. Learn about the military resources available to your soldier and you. Learn about the chain of command, various channels and things you can do to help your spouse – even if it might tick your recruiter off. Most importantly – learn about your recruiter spouse. You might be saying “we’re soul mates – we’ve been married XX years – I know my spouse” – but have you talked about the stress of recruiting and how they react to it or will react to it? Have you ever asked your spouse about suicide – and if they would ever entertain the idea of committing that act? I bet you the discussion that takes place between the recruiters during that briefing will be 180degrees different than the discussion you have with your recruiter – especially if you are both open with your thoughts and feelings. It will be worth it – no matter how uncomfortable and morbid it is – trust me – you would probably rather have this discussion now and learn your recruiter’s mental and moral limits and what they need you to do to help them get through this time than be a widow.

In addition – simply by talking about the stress and ways to deal with it, and being aware of the signs of depression and what not, isn’t enough. Knowledge without putting it into practice isn’t much use. Think of it this way – you’re a scientist charged with monitoring your little ecosystem for changes in the environment – yes – you take note of the subtle changes – but when you see a deformed indicator species - you sound the environmental alarms. So, like it or not, as a spouse of a recruiter – you have taken a silent oath to be the lookout for your household – if you see changes you address them – if you feel it’s serious you sound the alarm. In my house I take it a step further – I know my husband has a stressful job so I try to create a stress-free haven for him in our house. If it means not cleaning the house or unpacking on the Saturday he’s off so we can spend the day doing whatever he wants – so be it. If it means cooking steak a few night in a row – again – so be it. I also keep the lines of communication open – if there’s something on my mind I talk to him – normally it’s a ruse into getting him to talk about how his day went and what he’s thinking.

Here are some resources that are helpful:

* Veterans experiencing emotional and suicidal crisis, as well as their concerned family members or friends, have immediate access to emergency counseling services 24 hours a day, seven days a week by calling 800-273-TALK (8255).

* For information on suicide warning signs visit www.behavioralhealth.army.mil

* The Army’s Battlemind Training System is a mental health awareness and education program that helps prepare soldiers and their families for the stresses of war and assists with the detection of possible mental health issues before and after deployment. Visit www.battlemind.org .

* Soldiers in crisis should talk to their chaplain, chain of command or a fellow soldier immediately. They may also call Military OneSource at 800-342-9647 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-SUICIDE.

* Call the Wounded Soldier and Family Hotline at 800-984-8523or e-mail wsfsupport@conus.army.mil

*Your state representatives and senators http://www.house.gov/  or   http://www.senate.gov/

Bottom line: Talk to your spouse – keep the lines of communication open – it’s when you stop talking and communication breaks down that problems arise and develop, and things can go downhill fast. Also, if your spouse won’t make the call to seek out help - do it for them. Last, but not least – have the balls to ruffle a few feathers – it’s your family – you do what is necessary and what you feel is right to protect and preserve it!!